Bezos-Musk Inc., Wants To Buy The Alamo and Turn It Into a Luxurious Historical Bed & Breakfast

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 28 June 2021

image for Bezos-Musk Inc., Wants To Buy The Alamo and Turn It Into a Luxurious Historical Bed & Breakfast
The Alamo has been the site of over 200 commercials, including the latest one, Remember The Alamo Condoms.

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – The largest corporation in the world Bezos-Musk Inc., has just announced that it is currently in negotiations with The Alamo Coalition Alliance, in an effort to purchase the historical Texas mission located in downtown San Antonio.

The elderly building was the sight of the infamous Battle of The Alamo of 1836, which pitted Davy Crockett, Jim Bowie, William Barrett Travis, and 184 volunteers against General Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana's army of 43,000 soldiers.

General Santa Ana's army consisted of the following divisions: The 71st Tabasco Infantry, The 7th Chihuahua Cavalry, 169th Aguascalientes Artillery, The 13th Baja California Dragoons, The 101st Oaxacan Navy, The 8th Sinaloa Marching Band, and The 2nd Quintana Roo Catering Service.

Jeffy and Ely, as President Biden refers to them, have come up with the idea of buying the Alamo from the ACA, and pouring $17.8 million into it and turning it into the most elegantly luxurious bed and breakfast in America.

The building which was originally built in 1391, by a constructing firm from Honduras, has recently shown advanced signs of serious deterioration.

A building inspector from nearby Alamo Heights, Myron Saltmalt, stated that some of the mission’s windows are showing adobe cracks, which he blames on pesky rollie pollies, also known as pill bugs.

Saltmalt noted in his 73-page report, that the attic has bats, grackles, carpenter ants, woodpeckers, and woodchucks.

He then pointed out that the basement has two-inches of standing water along with guppies, sardines, and even a few tuna fish.

The 74-year-old inspector also revealed that all of the sinks and toilets will have to be sealed off with yellow crime tape.

SIDENOTE: Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk had lunch with Tapioca Swizzle of Tittle Tattle Tonight at a local Whataburger and they informed her that the bed and breakfast luxury suites will rent for $3,000 a day.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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