The Grandmothers of Grand Rapids Band Plays Mostly Covers of Led Zeppelin, The Who, and ZZ Top

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 23 June 2021

image for The Grandmothers of Grand Rapids Band Plays Mostly Covers of Led Zeppelin, The Who, and ZZ Top
The band members (L to R), Myrtle Pilaf, Ginger Sage, Beulah Souffle, Nanette Biddle, Dolly Jollywood, and Sophie Wiggywax.

GRAND RAPIDS, Michigan – (Satire Music) – The rock band known as The Grandmothers of Grand Rapids, have been playing together for over half a century, going way back to when they were known as The Mothers of Grand Rapids.

The band’s lead singer Beulah Souffle, who recently turned 89, spoke with Tittle Tattle Tonight’s Pico de Gallo and said that she cannot believe that they have been playing together since 1971, a total of 50 years!

She added that the band’s biggest thrill was back in 1977, when they opened up for Led Zeppelin, when Zep played in Detroit’s Carburetor Coliseum before a crowd of 32,803.

The band’s keyboard player, Sophie Wiggywax, 86, said that she has kept it under her wig, but after the concert, she said she accompanied Led Zeppelin lead guitarist Jimmy Paige back to his room, and after going through a whole bottle of Johnny Walker Red, he latched on to her firm, sensuous bazongas and the two ended up belly bumping three or four times.

De Gallo asked Wiggywax if after all these years the band members are still sexually active. She giggled and revealed that 5 of the 6 grandma’s still are.

When pressed who the lone sexual hold-out was Sophie hesitated at first, but then pointed out that the only one that doesn’t do the boom-boom anymore is the drummer, Ginger Sage.

Wiggywax said that two years ago, when they were playing at a concert in Milwaukee's Beer Suds Arena, Ginger got so involved in her "In A Gadda Da Vida" drum solo that one of the drumsticks accidentally shot out of her hand and got lodged in her muffin.

Sophie said that Ginger was rushed to a local hospital, where three doctors worked tirelessly for 55 minutes performing an emergency drumstickectomy.

She then divulged that after that procedure, which left her quasi-traumatized, her interest in getting boinked went all the way from 94% down to 1.3%.

SIDENOTE: The Grandmothers of Grand Rapids are ecstatic as they have just been signed to perform at half-time during Super Bowl LVI (56).

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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