PHOENIX – (Satire News) – Boom Boom News has just confirmed that the happiest prisoner at The Phoenix State Prison For Criminals is Bill Cosby, aka inmate #91069.
Cos, as he was called before he was charged with drugging, seducing, and boinking over 700 adult women, told his cellmate #91341 that, thanks to the twice-impeached Donald Trump, he is now as happy as a squirrel with a bucketful of nuts.
BBNs Chipper Caruso said that Trump called him on his cell's cell phone and told him that he was going to be issuing him a pardon, otherwise known as a 'get out of jail free' card.
DJT told him that the reasons he decided to give him a pardon were because one, he's rich, two, he's black, and three, he's damn rich.
Inmates have said that, in the two and a half years that Mr. Puddin’ Pop has been a jailbird, he has only smiled three times.
#69, for short, smiled when he was visited by Kanye West. He smiled when he was given a two-liter bottle of Coca-Cola. And he smiled a third time when one of the guard's showed him an 8 by 10 glossy of his naked wife, Chameleon.
Meanwhile, prison warden Peter Paul Figziggy, 67, says that the Jello Pervert is actually a model prisoner. He noted that the entire prison population calls him Albertina, which they took from his Weird Albert comical character.
The warden added that Cosby told him that when he becomes a free man, he promises to never, ever again give any white woman a Quaalude or any other drug, that will allow him to boink her without her even knowing it.
