HOLLYWOOD – (Satire News) – LaLaLand is buzzing with talk that the extremely sexy Colombian actress Sofia Vergara has just been signed to star as Spider-Woman in the upcoming Marvel movie, The Secret Sex Life of Spider-Woman.
Sofia, who is 48, but can easily pass for 27, said that she hasn’t been this happy since she lost her virginity at the tender age of 23.
Miss Vergara was recently voted “2021’s Sexiest-Looking Woman” by the residents of the state of Illinois.
The Latina actress traveled to Joliet, Illinois, where she was given a downtown parade, the keys to the city, Chicago Bears season tickets, and $42,000 in cash.
Sofia told Sonora Cahoots with BuzzFuzz, that ever since she was a little girl growing up in Playa Cerveza, Colombia, there were three things she constantly dreamed about.
One was to one day have big, huge tits [check that box]. Two was to co-star in a sit-com with Ed O'Neill [check that box]. And three was to one day star as either Cinderella, Joan of Arc, or Spider-Woman in a motion picture [check that box].
Sofia revealed that her Spider-Woman co-stars will be Bradley Cooper, Ariana Grande, Aaron Rodgers, and female rapper Sista Frizzle Frazzle.