HOLLYWOOD – (Celebrity Satire) - The actress who has the most famous bosom in all of LalaLand, has just signed to star in a motion picture on the life of Mexico’s most notorious bandit, Pancho Villa.
Hollywood sex symbol Sofia Vergara, who will star in "The Life of General Pancho Villa", told CNN that Villa was named after his great aunt, once removed, Pancha Sancha De La Mancha.
She added that the highly womanizing Villa actually got more tush than Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein, Zombie Zulu Yo, and Donald Trump all put together.
In preparing for the movie, Sofia learned that, at the age of six, Panchito was bit on his left testicle by a tarantula, which quickly changed his entire personality and outlook on life.
He became very angry and bitter, and quickly turned to a life of crime against the Federales (Mexico's Federal troops).
In the film, Pancho Villa will be played by Antonio Banderas, and the well-endowed Vergara will play his devoted, submissive wife, Margarita Conchita Juanita Mazola Villa.
In several scenes, Miss Vergara will be wearing a very low-cut vaquera (cowgirl) blouse.
Antonio joked that he is going to have to work very hard at keeping his eyes focused on Sofia’s eyes, and also at managing to keep his tongue in his mouth.