Jaggedone reveals 2021 Eurovision 'Pong' Festival winners and losers!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Monday, 24 May 2021


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Dutch Perennial 'Pong' Winners are unbeatable! They even prefer sucking a joint instead of having a 'Blow Job!

The Covid19 pandemic, sadly, is now allowing some public events to reappear which, should have been dead and buried a long time ago. However, one of the top shows in Europe could never die, and Jaggedone can now reveal, in more languages than one, who won this year's most important European Bash, which anybody with a pea between their ears would avoid!


Ten, Dix, Diez, Zehn, Tien, Dieci points: Holland / Numero Uno 'Pong' Winners! Why? Because the sweet smell of marijuana in Amsterdam most Europeans just adore and cannot resist!

Nine, Nove, Negen, Neun, Neuve, Neuf points: Poland / Numero Dos! Cabbage pickers/eaters, picking all over Europe come mostly from Poland and they fart with impunity in shitty containers, now that really stinks!

Eight, Acht, Otto, Ocho, Huit points: Rumania / Numero Tres! Same as Poland but Rumania lies more south, and the stench of boiled cabbage farts is not so widespread!

Seven, Sieben, Zeven, Siete, Sept, Sette points: France / Numero Cuatro! French onions stink but not as much as Spanish garlic!

Six, Seis, Sechs, Sei, Zes, Seize points: Spain / Numero Cinco! Spanish garlic stinks more than French onions, but the stench remains mainly on the Iberian Peninsula behind the Pyrenean Mountains!

Five, Cinco, Cinque, Funf, Vijf, Cinq points: Germany / Numero Seis! Germans love Sauerkraut and Bratwurst, fart immensely, but wash it all down with delicious beer so the 'Pong' is not so strong!

Four, Cuatro, Vier, Quatre, Vier, Quattro points: Italy / Numero Siete! Italians generally do not 'Pong', but after eating garlic they forget to clean their teeth unless Mama tells them too!

Three, Tres, Drei, Drie, Tre, Trois points: Belgium / Numero Ocho! In Belgium they swill too much beer to really 'Pong', and do they really count for anything?

Two, Dos, Deux, Due, Zwei, Twee points: Scotland / Numero Neuvo! Hardly any 'Pongs' come from there because England forbade them to join the party! In addition, wearing kilts, and no undies, frees many 'Pongs' from accumulating!

One, Ein, Een, Uno, Une, Uno point: England! / Numero Diez! Absolute wankers and losers in creating 'Pongs' because nobody in Europe gives a shit about them anyway!

Next year the Eurovision 'Pong' Contest will be held once again in Rotterdam, Holland, because the Dutch are unbeatable at creating legal 'Pongs', that any European who is high just loves and always smell on their visits to this tiny, but wonderful nation!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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