A writer who is, by habit, a well-balanced clear-thinking individual with a wealth of intellect and a big cock, suddenly, and without prior warning, exploded into a state of near-apoplexy yesterday morning whilst commenting on a story he had written for a satirical news and parody website.
Duncan Whitehead , who is 53, was gushing forth on the inequaluties faced by certain impoverished elements of society, when he inexplicably burst out into a fitful rage, spewing out bile left, right, and center, as only a man born in the wastelands of Lancashire can.
The story Whitehead had penned was about Oscar nominations or something, and the lack of effect that would be felt by members at the lower end of society when they discovered who the eventual winners were.
It contained a certain amount of irony which was 'funnyish'.
Once the story had been selected by the site's artificial intelligence algorithm, Forumbot, to be part of the Discussion Forum, Whitehead commented:
"The sad reality of this 'woke' society we live in. All these 'poor' victims...athletes, movie stars, TV presenters, and peripheral royalty...all claiming that racism has had a diverse effect on THEIR privileged lives...they are making a mockery of real racism, a real struggle.
"Fuck them. Fuck all of them. But most of all fuck the RICH and PRIVILEGED WHITE actors, late-night hosts, and other enablers who are stirring the pot. Fuck the Royal family, fuck Sharon Osborne, fuck Piers Morgan. I have no sympathy nor respect for any of them. I don't care about them and they sure as hell don't care about me.
"As my Grandma used to say 'they are all just a bunch of cunts who have more, consume more, take more, and spend more than you ever will, dear Duncan. Now get back down there...it ain't gonna lick itself.'"
Then he returned to his work in a Fort Lauderdale bicycle repair shop.