CHEYENNE, Wyoming – (Satire News) – Horatio P. Zipp, 56, told Boom Boom News that he had been homeless for 6 years, ever since a horde of invading barbarian termites ate his 800 square foot wooden shack.
He said that he had been standing on the corner of Benedict Arnold St. and 914th St. for the past five years.
On January 29, he took his life savings, which was $40, and invested it in GameStop stock and voila! It suddenly went up, and up, and up, and he is now a millionaire 69 times over!
Horatio has long since dumped his “Will Work For Food” cardboard sign in the dumpster, and he now lives in a $4.8 million mansion next door to Neil Young of the 70s super band, Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young.
The new multi-millionaire told Hacienda Fiddle with Boom Boom News, that he sent Vice-President Kamala Harris a text message informing her that he would like to lend the United States government $30 million.
The vice-president replied saying that she will certainly inform the President and the First Lady of his gracious offer, and she’ll get back to him real, real quick.