WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – White House press secretary Jen Psaki, during her first press conference, stated that, unlike Trump’s press secretaries, Sean Spicer, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, and Kayleigh McEnany, she will tell the truth, she won’t yell at reporters, and she will not be sarcastic, arrogant, and she definitely will not hit reporters like her predecessors did.
She added that she’ll also be providing donuts, bagels, and nachos for all of the press corps members - even the ones from the unfair and unbalanced network Fox News.
iNews reporter Kitty Segovia stated that Jen Psaki is 10 times prettier and sexier than Kayleigh McEnany, and 100 times smarter than Sara Huckabee Sanders. Kitty then added that Jen is not at all fat like "Sponge Cake Sarah".
Jen commented that, after each press conference, she’ll have a drawing for a very nice door prize.
She pointed out that some of the prizes will include 65-inch big screen TVs, Jet Skis, $200 gift certificates to Victoria’s Secret, and 7-day and 7-night all-inclusive trips to exotic locations like St. Croix, Hawaii, Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, and Dubai, India.
When asked if the taxpayers will be funding all of these fantastic amenities, Jen replied that it will not cost the taxpayers one single dime.
“Then who is paying for all of these wonderfully amazing door prizes, Jenny?” asked the Fox News douchebag reporter.
She smiled and said that every single item will be paid for by an organization known as The Two Rich Guys.
CNN reporter Jim Acosta asked, “Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos?”
“Bingo!” replied the beautiful redhead.