In the wake of this week’s rowdy press conference, President Trump has signed his latest executive order.
This directive indicates: “The President should have all the due respect and honor of a monarch, as in other countries such as England.”
Plus, “The English tradition of obeisance to the Royal Throne is particularly important when the President kindly dedicates his time to answering questions.”
Mr. Trump is also rumored to be contemplating an additional executive order, ending term limits for the office of President so that he can rule indefinitely.
As to whether he prefers to be called “King Donald” is not yet clear.
Accordingly, the President has tried out this new form of press conference as a model for the news media to follow in the future.
Ms. Samantha Clickengoogle of CNN stepped forward with a curtsy, and the following:
“My honored liege, with all due respect, will you please comment further on the caravan approaching through Mexico?”
Ms. Clickengoogle withdrew several steps, ducking her head and stooping her back somewhat, although later she noted this movement caused some pain.
“That is a dangerous question, Samantha, and I hope you have phrased it correctly.”
The President continued:
“Instead of ‘Will you please comment’ I would suggest, ‘My Gracious Majesty, if you possibly have the time and patience, and with all due respect to my most beloved sovereign, would you clarify your position on the caravan?”
“Thank you, my most revered monarch of all time,” said Ms. Clickengoogle humbly.
“Now you’re getting it.”
Next, Mr. Jorge Fartenbellow of MSNBC stepped forward.
“O Blessed Sovereign, may I first pay all dutiful obeisance and honor [deeply bowing at this point] in being blessed to appear before thee.”
“Not, bad, Fartenbellow. Not bad.”
“Would my most distinguished Crown and Royal Lord honor my obsequious query on whether or not the US will take a position on the unsavory murder of Mr. Khashoggi at the Consulate in Turkey?”
“Now, you see! What a terrible rude person you can be with a question like that? Don’t you realize we are taking our time in assessing what after all is only collateral damage? Versus important affairs of State?”
“Indeed, my liege. I trembled to ask it.”
“Indeed you should have trembled, and I hope thou are still continent, Fartenbellow.”
[Bowing and stooping excessively while stepping backwards] "Thank you, Your Majesty.”
“And when I am permanently appointed to this office you can apply to me for the position of White House Press Secretary.”
“I am aghast with wonder, my Lord.”
“I like your style, Fartenbellow!”