SACRAMENTO – (Satire News) – Due to the tremendous increase in Trumpapalooza, mononucleosis, and tonsillitis cases, the state of California has decided that, in the best interest of everyone, Valentine’s Day has been cancelled.
Governor Newsom stated that he knows the Valentine’s chocolate industry will be taking quite a licking (no pun intended).
He said that the state will agree to pay to have all of the state’s chocolate supply shipped to Hawaii, the state that has the least amount of C-19 cases, and hardly any mono cases.
In return, Hawaii will send to California a ton of leis, three ship containers filled with coconuts, and 10,000 commemorative statuettes of Hawaiian-born natives Bruno Mars, Barack Obama, and Yolanda Yo.
Meanwhile, the famed Valentine’s Day Naked Sweethearts Parade, that has taken place in San Francisco for the past 24 years, will, instead, be held in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico.