Man Has Variant Strain Of Coronavirus

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 16 March 2020

image for Man Has Variant Strain Of Coronavirus
Dean Martin, much earlier

A music enthusiast from Hull in East Yorkshire, who just cannot seem to stop singing Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin songs from the 1940s and 1950s, has been diagnosed by doctors at Hull Royal Infirmary as suffering from a new strain of the Coronavirus.

Croonervirus, as it has been provisionally labelled, is a mutated form of Covid-19, and, although nowhere near as dangerous for the sufferer, can be downright annoying for the neighbours.

Myke Woodson, 56, has always been someone who loves to sing in the shower, whilst doing odd jobs around the house, or even as he mooches around outside in the garden.

His most-loved artists are Sinatra and Martin, but his extensive repertoire also takes in songs by Bing Crosby, Jim Reeves, and Perry Como, whose 'Don't Let the Sars Get In Your Eyes' is a particular favourite.

Woodson's neighbours say that his crooning is fine up to a point, but that that point usually comes after about thirty seconds, after which it becomes drab, annoying, awful, then suicide-inducing, though none have ever gone quite that far.

Doctors who analysed Mr Woodson say that this strain of the virus, though not a danger to the lungs, could cause irreparable trauma to the ears, and have warned those living near the crooner to wear headphones, or to stuff their lugholes with cotton wool.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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