Man swims to the Moon in his bathtub

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Saturday, 4 April 2020

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Bored of being stuck indoors due to the coronavirus, Gloucester man Geoff Sweat, decided to perform a feat never before attempted - to swim the distance to the Moon in his bathtub.

Mr Sweat, 41, has an Olympic-sized bathtub in his basement, and, during the course of the last four weeks, he has swum 250,000 miles. He swims for three hours in the morning, and another six in the afternoon, averaging 10,000 miles a day.

His wife, Nora, was initially annoyed at his antics, but soon realised that her husband would become a national hero. "Everyone's been talking about it. I've never felt proud of him before."

Sweat's feat has already been recognised by the Guinness Book of Records, and the British Space Agency has got in touch with him to offer him a job when the lockdown is over. "We were very impressed with his feat," said agency president, Harry Secretion. "We've been trying to get funding for a Moon rocket for decades, but Geoff might have found the key to cheap space travel."

Prime Minister Boris Johnson has congratulated the swimmer, saying that he is amazed that Mr Sweat managed to reach the Moon without any oxygen. "Also he must have waited until the Moon was dipping below the horizon into the sea. The mind boggles!"

However, there is a downside to Sweat's adventure. Just like the Apollo astronauts when they returned from the Moon, he will have to remain in quarantine for a month. When asked how he would spend the time, he said, "Well, I might have a little swim."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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