Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 1 April 2019

image for Man Amazed At Things He Discovered In Loft
No Subbuteo image available

A man who was asked by his mother to go up and get something from in her loft, was amazed at some of the things he found there.

Moys Kenwood, from Hull in East Yorkshire, ascended the loftladder with a degree of trepidation at what lay in wait, in the dust-covered roofspace of his mother's house. His mam needed her spare iron.

When he turned the light on, however, it was as if he had entered an Aladdin's cave!

First to attract his attention was a complete set of Purnell's 'History of the First World War', in beautiful, pristine black binders. He remembered his dad buying the weekly magazines, and filling the binders as time progressed. Another similar set, this time a 'History of the Second World War', was behind the first.

A mass of photos greeted him next. He looked in wonder as people and places he'd long forgotten jumped back into his mind, and he was able to recall events previously lost to the past.

There were bags, boxes, and old-style suitcases that have to be carried, tins of paint, rolls of wallpaper, and a quantity of polystyrene ceiling tiles, partially obscuring a box, which he dragged into the light to examine. Here was the real treasure!

A selection of children's games transported him back to his childhood: 'Mousetrap', 'Kerplunk', 'Battling Tops', 'Rebound', 'Haunted House', 'Microdot', 'Totopoly', 'Cluedo', 'Monopoly', 'Scrabble', 'Mastermind', 'Yahtzee', 'Sorry!', 'Go For Broke!', and 'The Game Of Life'.

In another box, he found six Action Man figures - three with gripping hands, and realistic hair and beards - and dozens of changes of uniform and other clothing. There was a jeep, and a tank, and even a sled and husky dogs! A plastic bag revealed a huge and varied cache of invincible weapons.

Wrapped in a large plastic carrier bag was the coupe de grace: a Subbuteo football set, complete with authentic green cloth pitch with markings, goals, corner flags and scoreboard. Several teams were in their boxes. Hull City, Leeds United, Blackpool, Queen's Park Rangers, Burnley, Everton, and, his personal boyhood-favorite team kit, the AFC Bournemouth change strip (green-and-black-striped shirts, black shorts, and black socks). He read the enclosed game booklet from cover to cover.

Eventually, he prised himself away from this haul of riches, and descended into the reality of the present day. His mam was waiting. She looked at him for a moment, then asked:

"Didn't you see the iron?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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