Written by Paul Blake

Friday, 10 April 2015

image for Pro Golfers Think Bubba is a Total Wad
Player Most Likely to Show Up On A Clydesdale? Greg Norman

Augusta, Georgia - On the eve of the 79th Master's Golf Tournament, ESPN revealed some of the answers to an unofficial, impromptu poll that they have been conducting over the last several tournaments. And according to these surveys, 2-time Master's winner, Bubba Watson, heads the list of golfers that other pros wouldn't stop to help out in a street fight. Look out Bubba!

But if you think that question was a rather strange way to try and humanize this dying sport, take a gander at some of the other questions our man on the scene, Chip Fairway, has learnt were on ESPN's golf survey:

Drunkest Round Under Par? Miguel Angel Jimanez (15 bottles of Merlot)

Player who banged the most late-night Denny's waitresses, said that they'll call and never did? Bernard Langer (12)

Player who never knows what city they are in on a given weekend? KJ Choi

Most clubs sold on Ebay and then claimed to be lost by airline when questioned by sponsors? Ian Poulter

Biggest ball waxer? Tiger Woods (by a mile)

Longest rail of coke snorted off of a rental car trunk before a Tourny? Dustin Johnson, we're looking at you, buddy!

Guy most likely to cough out 'miss it' on your backswing? Billy Horshel

Lewdest act with a fan while on the course? Tie-Jack Nicklaus and Chi Chi Rodriguez, same woman in Pheonix Open.

Most trashed hotel room? Jim Furyk

Weirdest thing yelled at ball while in flight? Joost Luiten for: "Stick hard and come backwards into the hole-you smelly bitch!"

Player with most cats traveling with them on tour? Freddy Couples (9)

Player most likely to pick up a hitchhiker and kill them in the desert? Martin Kaymer

So there you go Bubba, don't feel too bad. You could have been voted the player with the Ugliest Baby, like Hunter Mahan.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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