Written by Paul Blake

Monday, 6 April 2015

image for Bruce Jenner Learning How To Throw "Like A Girl."
"I want to throw like a nice, normal girl!" says Jenner.

Ex-patriarch to the Kardashian Royal Family, Bruce Jenner, 65, is reportedly going to all imaginable lengths, in order to complete his transformation into womanhood.

The former Olympic Champion apparently wants nothing more to do with being able to hurl a javelin 200 meters, chuck a shot-put or throw any other such thing that they might make you toss when you're in the Olympic Games.

"I just want to throw like a nice normal girl," said Jenner, who has hired three of his old team mates, Kim and Chloe and the other one. "I mean, I have never seen three more uncoordinated humans in my entire life!" exclaimed Jenner at his secret training location, who figures he might have to balance out his extreme athleticism with the polar opposite. "I once saw Chloe, I think that's her name anyway, try to throw a baseball at a charity event with the L.A. Dodgers a few years ago," he recalled, remembering that the ball had left Chloe's hand and somehow traveled backwards through the air, hitting Kim on the right shoulder.

"Well, I don't have to tell you how that one ended, do I?" said Jenner. "Lemme tell you, that charity event took a major nosedive after Kim was air-lifted from Dodger's Stadium to Cedars- Sinia Hospital. "You've never seen such disappointed mentally-challenged children!" Indeed, most of the world had eagerly followed this harrowing tale in the Kardashian saga and waited anxiously on the edge of their collective sofas to see if a bruise might yet form for the next episode.

"Anyway," added Jenner, "those girls couldn't project anything, other than a fart, more that two feet from their bodies-so I figured why not give them a few million bucks each in spending money, to show me how to be a complete klutz at all sports. "I just don't want to be out on a first date, at the beach or something," Jenner told us, "And accidentally send a frisbee or volleyball into outer-orbit. That would be so embarrassing. I just want to throw like a nice, normal girl!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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