The former Rohhhr-zeee from Coronation Street, Helen Flanagan, has been reported as being pregnant, and this reporter wishes her well and, at the appropriate moment, 9 months into her pregnancy, hopes she becomes the proud mother of a healthy and happy child.
However, it is felt a few clarifications are necessary, and we are pleased to bring them to all readers.
Helen, renowned for her IQ of almost 7, said earlier today that she doesn't know how she became pregnant, and suspects it might have been from the toilet seat at "Braindead", the popular club frequented by many sub-Z celebrities.
Also, she is concerned as to what exactly she is expecting.
While her gynecologist, Herbert B Dimme, has set her mind at rest by assuring her it will more than likely be either a son or daughter, Miss Flanmagan remains to be fully convinced.
"What if it's a Mulberry bag like, and one like that I don't like, like. How will, like, I take it back like, if I don't know, like, where, like it came from or if I don't have a receipt like?"
She is also said to have thought that it might just be a bad case of wind from a kebab she ate some seven weeks ago.