Cameron 'Always Destined for Greatness'

Funny story written by Robin Hutton

Wednesday, 17 December 2014

The Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, along with numerous other long-standing acquaintances, have hinted for the first time, recently, that their old Etonian chum, David Cameron, was always destined for greatness.

In an interview following the Scottish Referendum triumph, Johnson claimed that the PM's childhood ability to 'accurately flick various body parts with a towel from distance in the changing rooms' and his 'command of Cribbage' probably paved the way for Office from a young age - that and his ability to deflect a prank in Latin.

Said Johnson, 'David really was a cut above, even back then. I remember on one occasion, the class clown, Gilbert Oswald Chetywnd-Talbot, tried to play a joke on him involving a Polo mallet and Matron's stockings. David saw it coming and annihilated Gilbert with a Latin put-down that left us all speechless. I can't remember exactly what it was, but from then on we knew that David was no oik.'

His Master's also remember him being a formidable pupil and a born leader. Captain Timothy-Booth Canning, who taught Cameron History at Eaton, recounts a tale in the dining room, where a foot- waiter spilled soup on the young gentleman's pin-striped blazer. 'He was outraged,' barked Canning. 'Dressed the fellow down, right there in front of the entire dining hall, calling him a pleb and an oaf. He was not a chap to be messed with, for sure - definite Prime Ministerial potential, even at that young age.'

Oliver Letwin, another former Etonian buddy, said, 'David always had the ability to get what he wanted. I remember on a school skiing trip to Aspen, when the boys were travelling Business Class on British Airways, David insisted on a window seat both ways and good gosh if he didn't get it. Very persuasive.'

Letwin, when questioned regarding Cameron's greatest qualities, said, 'I think without doubt, his ability to engage with anybody, convincingly, pretend to listen to what they have to say and to actually make them believe that he cares.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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