HOLLYWOOD - Joan Rivers recently visited her gynecologist and found out that her boobs are both malfunctioning.
Rivers was shocked to hear that, since she had no idea that at her age (80) her boobs had any function whatsoever other than to hold up her bra.
Her doctor told her that she has what is known as Leftus Rightus Mismalformationary Mammaries.
"Is it contagious?" The Queen of Mean asked.
She was told that it wasn't.
Rivers asked him what in the world Leftus Rightus Mismalformationary Mammaries meant.
Her doctor told her that due to her advanced age her left boob is tending to sag to the left and her right boob is tending to sag to her right.
He explained that this causes what is known as Incessantary Painitis which can become as painful as multiplying the pain of having a mammogram times 9.
The doctor told her he suggests that she have corrective surgery as soon as possible. He explained that after the surgery and 3 days of healing her left boob will sag towards the right and her right boob will sag towards the left.
Rivers asked him if the two tits wouldn't end up meeting somewhere around her belly button.
The doctor laughed and told her that yes that will certainly be the case but he assured her that it's a whole lot better than having both tits end up meeting somewhere around her back.
SIDENOTE: Joan asked her doctor if the surgery would be covered by her insurance company. He checked and told her that they would cover 95 percent of the total cost.