The folks at Anheuser Busch are in a frothy mess as devoted Bud Light drinkers stage a rebellion of hilarious proportions.
According to The American Research Group, the beer giant has not faced such a customer backlash since the days of prohibition. It seems tens of thousands of Bud Light aficionados have declared a beer boycott.
The uproar began when Anheuser Busch made a wild claim, suggesting that the Left Coast wildfires were sparked and perpetuated by homeless people dozing off with cigarettes in hand.
Outraged, Myrtle Tingsinger, a fierce advocate for The Homeless People of America, fired back, asserting that 97.3% of homeless individuals don't smoke. She listed the reasons why: it's unhealthy, socially worthless, costly, and leaves your clothes smelling like a backyard barbecue.
Rumor has it that homeless beer connoisseurs are contemplating a mass exodus to the enchanting land of Pabst Blue Ribbon. The mere thought of losing this unique demographic has left some Anheuser Busch executives in a panic, with their panties slightly dampened.
Recognizing their insensitive blunder, Anheuser Busch issued a swift apology, vowing never again to unleash such a "stupendously" thoughtless and heartless statement.
SIDENOTE: In an effort to rekindle patriotic spirit, the brewing behemoth has exciting news for beer lovers. Brace yourselves for the rebranding of Bud Light to the more proudly American moniker: BUD USA! Will this patriotic rebrand rise to the challenge and win back the hearts (and thirsts) of these nomadic beer enthusiasts? Stay tuned for the sudsy saga that unfolds!
