Palo Alto, CA – Government safety inspectors and auditors were surprised when reports of detaching steering wheels made the rounds in the press recently. The issue for Tesla seems to be an uninstalled retaining bolt in the steering column. Each of the two instances where said steering wheels detached occurred while the vehicle was in motion.
Sources confirm that when government officials questioned Tesla, a representative for the auto manufacturer responded, “Yeah we’re sorry about that. The release on this upgrade occurred prematurely. It’s actually still supposed to be in the developmental process…”
When asked for an explanation of what was meant by upgrade, the representative answered, “Do you realize that an entire Tesla is only held together by three retaining bolts? That can make this vehicle quite compact. Remove all three bolts and the $40,000 to $150,000 car falls into a million pieces, like a jigsaw puzzle. Then you can take your $40,000 to $150,000 jigsaw puzzle pieces and fit them into a suitcase… Then you can take your $40,000 to $150,000 suitcase full of jigsaw puzzle pieces and thumb a ride back to the dealership… And then once you’re at the dealership with your $40,000 to $150,000 investment of jigsaw puzzle pieces in a suitcase then they can point you back to the auto assembly plant… That’s the current process. We’re looking to improve on that.”
The representative then concluded by saying, “Anyway, we know what the problem is. Once we perfect the rebuilding process and consumers can reassemble their jigsaw puzzle piece vehicles for themselves, then except for that, Teslas are perfect, right?”
