American hamburgers will soon be injected with more fat, according to the Food & Drug Administration.
Americans have been losing weight by going to vast Trump rallies and/or protests, plus being perpetually scared of each other, wondering which one will next be toting an AR-15 in a public place.
All that stress means weight-loss plus binge-eating! A deadly combo (super-sized) since one encourages the other. When you get skinny without plastic surgery, American doctors will tell you that’s bad. Only plastic surgery is how anyone should ever lose weight. Doctors don’t get paid by people NOT worrying about weight changes.
So the FDA has been instructed by some deep dark cabal within the government to put more fat into any and all burgers. If fat globules aren’t forming bubbles in your meat, you get your money back! Or store credit, so you can buy another fat-injected burger. Or how about some fat fries, fat ice cream, fat soda, fat-infused salad, and even fat water! (How do they do that? The recipe is top secret.)
Soon there will be many dead Americans, but not by gunshot! What a weird world!
Which will make way for the future Chinese overlords who are controlling more and more of America every day. And Chinese people genetically have slimmer bodies, so the fat burger will do them no harm. But once they have TOTAL power, the Chinese will force Americans to eat dogs and snakes and crickets and shit scraped off a farmer’s boot.
Give up fat for shit? That’s gooooood eatin’!
