Ikea UK reports empty shelves and Brits are now sleeping on ancient, sagging, yellow stained, Made in UK mattresses!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Saturday, 4 September 2021

image for Ikea UK reports empty shelves and Brits are now sleeping on ancient, sagging, yellow stained, Made in UK mattresses!
It was all a load of "Gobble-dy-gook" and now you get me, a prime chemical 'Gobbler' Made by Monsanto!

Post Brexit consequences are being swept under the carpet (not made in the EU, Made in Iran) as UK mega-large retailers are beginning to complain that their shelves are becoming emptier and emptier!

Brit supermarket shoppers are hoarding olive oil, among other EU essential products, because there aint no olive trees growing in the UK, and certainly no orange trees. The alternative usage of UK lard, pigs fat, is for young punters not acceptable because they all want to be vegans! And Brit apples and pears are really quite boring after years of having diverse fruits imported from the EU!

Similar effects are being noticed at IKEA stores all over the UK as punters attempt to order Swedish mattresses. Sorry, there aint none left!

"Go and sleep on your sagging, yellow striped ancient UK version," is the answer given to young-gun bonkers hoping for a 'bit of spring' in their sex lives.

The UK is waiting for its first delivery of mattresses Made in Bangladesh, and Pakistan, after a mega-global-deal made by Johnson and his cohorts. The new mattresses are guaranteed to last for one month, and if they start sagging after heavy bouts of 'shagging' there will be no refunds possible because the Taliban and ISIS have production factories in Asia under their control, after Biden went AWOL! (that rhymes!)

Brexiteers are now scratching their bald heads and balls wondering how BOJO can fill up UK shelves again, his answer,

"Dear electorate who totally supported Nigel and me in our campaign to get the UK out of that dastardly EU, grin and bear it! After all you voted for Nigel baby and now we do not give a crap about you because we have our luxury mansions in Tuscany and on the Algarve filled with wonderful EU products! You suckers fell for our scam, now eat it if you can find them!"

Christmas is just around the corner and Brits are being assured shelves will be filled with US shit products like Coca Cola, etc, Big Mac's, Domino's, which rot your teeth, give you cancer, and are genetically manipulated like chemical chickens, and turkeys 'Made by Monsanto!'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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