OIL SPILL, Pennsylvania – (Business Satire) – iRumors is reporting that executives with Dick’s Sporting Goods have decided, that after 73 years, they are going to change the name of the national sporting goods retail company.
Company spokeswoman Sandy “The Beaver Blaster” Billatiga, 31, said that after hundreds of complaints, they have decided to change the sexually-themed sounding name Dick’s and go with the less sexually explicit name, Peter’s.
Miss Billatiga, who is engaged to a man who produces flamingo-call whistles, noted that the chains 857 stores will soon be adding a glow-in-the-dark Wasabi Wiggle Worm, which fishing experts say is so damn good, that it is guaranteed to catch a fish, (any fish) in less than 17 seconds.
iRumors noted that in 2018, Dick’s, (soon to be Peter’s), stopped selling assault rifles, bazookas, African blow-guns, surface-to-air missiles, and napalm.
The national chain has revealed that two recently developed store items which are selling like Coney Island hot dogs in the Big Apple (New York City), include the decoy elephants and the pack of a dozen camouflaged condoms.
