(NOT EDITED) English lobsters caught in EU waters are now being returned to the UK and, instead of being directly boiled alive in French or German cooking pots, are now rotting in chilled trailers stuck in traffic jams waiting for customs clearance!
The 'Lobster Loony Union' have had enough and are demanding either a lobster embargo in Folkestone, a tariff-free entrance to EU markets in Calais, or a new Brexit referendum!
The reasons being, Lobsters would rather be boiled alive in the EU than rot in hell on the back of trucks driven by Polish or EU truck drivers!
A 'lobster whisperer' heard lobsters squeaking to each other in deep-water boxes on the back of a chilled trailer stuck in a jam in Dover and was able to translate the following lobster dialogue into Oxford English!
1st Lobster: "Fucking Brexit, once we were caught, stuffed in boxes, transported over to the EU, and then steamed alive! A short, sharp end to our lobster lives! Now we are caught, stuffed in boxes, and left to rot in hell!"
2nd Lobster to 1st Lobster: "Pre-Brexit at least we were worth catching, now we're just a bunch of crustaceans worth shit all, I'd rather boil in EU hell than rot in a UK hell, how about you?"
1st Lobster to 2nd Lobster: "I agree, so get that fucking lobster whisperer back in here and tell BOJO we're going on strike!"
A petition representing the 'Loony Lobster Union' was sent to Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson demanding a second referendum and, that Scotland withdraws from the UK because all Brit lobsters are in solidarity preferring to be steamed alive in EU cooking pots rather than rotting on the back of UK registered chilled trailers waiting for Eastern European trucks to haul them out of their misery!
Scotland's very fishy first lady, Nicola Sturgeon, has joined the 'Lobster Loony Union' and is demanding Scottish lobsters should have the same rights as their English colleagues, direct access to EU cooking pots! In addition, she has threatened BOJO; if there is no new Brexit referendum, she would dump Scottish rotting lobsters on his doorstep!
Boris Johnson was not available for comment, but he told his main spin-doctor secretly, he prefers Middle American, caught in the Pacific, lobsters anyway because they do not squeak as much as English ones during boiling!