LOS ANGELES – (Satire News) – Well, it looks like the panic rush on toilet paper has hit the nation once again.
The Vox Populi News Agency is reporting that thousands of supermarkets throughout the land of the red, white, and do, have sold out of their supply of Northern Tissue and Charmin, or as they call it in Arkansas, shit paper.
One grocery store chain in Bison Butt, Montana, reported that they were having to limit customers to just half a roll of tissue paper per visit.
A Kia dealership in Duck Dung, Alabama, was reportedly giving out three free rolls of toilet paper, with each purchase of a new or used Kia automobile.
Meanwhile, Toilet Tissue Giant, the world’s largest producer of toilet paper, has stated that they've just received a shipment of 35 flat-bed trucks loaded with giant California Sequoia trees that they'll be processing immediately.