CHICAGO – Meat prices have been skyrocketing across the nation due to the Cow Branding Scandal.
Meat packers report that they have no choice but to raise the price on all meat products, from woodchuck steaks to filet du flamingo.
Meanwhile, a spokesperson for McDonalds has informed the fast food media that the Golden Arches folks will have to raise the price of the much-beloved Happy Meals to $17.
They also stated that the Happy Meal toys will be downgraded to choices of BB’s, a Q-Tip, or a baby carrot.
The McDonalds powers-that-be pointed out the number of Chicken McNuggets in a regular order will go from 5 to 2½.
McDonalds wants to apologize to their devoted customers for any stress, headaches, or hair loss that these new changes may cause.