Candy Hearts Company Says That Democrats Account For 91% Of Their Sales

Written by Fannin Fabriano

Saturday, 1 February 2020

image for Candy Hearts Company Says That Democrats Account For 91% Of Their Sales
Candy Hearts are sold in every country of the world except for Peru.

DOVER, Delaware - The Have A Heart Candy Hearts Company has just stated that the sales of their Valentine's Day candy hearts have gone through the roof.

A spokesperson for the candy company, Lucretia Ingersoll, 63, said that she has worked for the company ever since she was just 12. She said that she figures that, in 51 years, she has probably eaten over 2 billion of the candy hearts.

When a reporter asked her if she had any cavities, she turned red and replied that, that was a personal, intimate, body question. The reporter quickly informed her he was talking about dental cavities and not body cavities. Ingersoll laughed so hard she semi-peed in her Wonder Woman panties.

She added that 91% of their candy hearts are purchased by Democrats. When asked why that was, she smiled and said because the Dems, unlike most Republicans, actually have a heart.

Ingersoll then stood up and said that she had to get back to making candy. Right before she left, she said, "Democrats care about people, whereas Republicans care about Republicans."

IN CLOSING - Laura Ingraham, with Fox News, says that she is getting sick and tired of people calling her Laura "Trigger" Ingraham. Well, as Roy Rogers once said, "If the hoof fits, wear it."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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