Bing uses "underhanded" ruse to gain user traffic

Funny story written by Gee Pee

Sunday, 4 November 2018

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Desperate for any responses from the public that could indicate interactive participation, Bing has initiated an underhanded “fake news” feature, calling it, in wee letters the size of which makes them nearly impossible to read, “This Day,” followed by a year that changes as necessary to indicate the time when the "reported” event actually occurred.

On November 4, 2018, the search engine reported the murder of “Arnold 'The Brain' Rothstein” as its “This Day: 1928” “news” item. It is only after wasting time reading the “report” that one discovers that the supposed news item is, in fact, decades old.

Using present tense to further mislead the unwashed masses who rely on Bing for their “news,” the “story” states, “Arnold 'the Brain' Rothstein, a businessman and gambler known as a leader of the Jewish mob and tied to fixing sporting events, is shot at a Manhattan hotel. The shooting is reportedly related to debts from a poker game. He will die from his wounds two days later.”

In addition, Bing blurs the background so that the Model T Fords on the street that Rothstein is shown crossing are difficult to see, especially for users who may suffer from cataracts, Alzheimer's, or other diseases associated with old age.

A spokesperson for Bing claims that there is nothing deceptive about the tiny font referring to “This day: 1928” or the use of the present tense to “report” an incident that actually took place 90 years ago. “People who rely on Bing for their news are too stupid for us to have to dupe them,” the spokesperson said.

The ruse is “popular,” the spokesperson said, “and Bing plans to continue using it. After all, there's a lot more past events to present as “news” than there are current events.”

According to an internal audit, the subterfuge has increased Bing's “user interactivity” by 0.000000142% over the last 12 months.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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