Written by Purple Girl

Monday, 15 January 2018

image for First white soft drink set to be unveiled
Liquid White to be unveiled in an effort to promote diversity of color in cola drinks.

The Stormer Beverage Corporation is set to unveil a new soft drink within the next few months. The beverage is called Liquid White, and is the world's first white carbonated cola beverage.

"For years, soft drinks have been similar in hue to minority members and we've all wanted a soft drink that represents Caucasians. So SBC has answered the call and produced the very first white soft drink."

The ADL slams this new product, citing it as another example of white supremacy.

This new product raises the issue of virtue signaling and the possibility of this damaging race relations.

However, according to our staff correspondent and business analyst, Amy Arnolds, this might not in reality be perceived as a racist product. "If mostly white people drink brown drinks, then people of color might want to purchase a white-colored drink to help maintain a separate identity from whites they see as oppressors. This new beverage might be more expensive than other soft drinks, turning it into a status symbol. But if it is perceived negatively, then the backlash could harm existing beverage sales. What could happen is that African-Americans may consider brown beverages to be appropriation and demand that Caucasians not drink them, now that they have their own drink."

Another consideration is whether the public will enjoy the product. So that is why they hosted a taste testing event. That had a smaller turnout than expected, and the reactions were mixed.

Tonya Jenkins, a local citizen who did not participate in the taste testing event says, "White doesn't always mean something is good. Bird mess is also white, and I'm not eating that. So I am skeptical."

Jim Stronton, who was at the taste test says, "It tasted rather alien. It was not unpleasant, and out of this world is all I can say to describe it."

Lana Reiser, who also attended the event says, "It was rather clean, with no unpleasant aftertaste. I do wish it had more kick to it."

Within the next few months after tweaking and finalizing the formula based on the reactions at the taste testing event, Liquid White should be available at a handful of national retail stores, with more retailers likely to start selling it after that.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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