Itinerate white guy, Joey Meanderson, was innocently walking down K Street in Washington DC, eating a strip of chicken jerky when he happened upon a group of people heading into a micro aggression conference. Not paying any attention to where he was going he walked right into the middle of the crowd, getting swept into the conference with the rest of them.
"It was really weird", started Meanderson from inside a cell in the DC Corrections Facility. "The crowd pretty much pushed me into the building and then into an alcove by the front door and started screaming: 'check in your white privilege'. I wasn't too sure what they were talking about, but I checked it in anyway and the clerk gave me a claim ticket for it".
"The people were down right friendly in the beginning, giving me a seat in the front middle row. I was fucking five feet away from the speaker, so I was feeling pretty good. The next thing you know the speaker starts shouting things about white privilege and institutional racism as well as how the white man has appropriated all the non-white people's culture on the planet. He starts pointing at me and screams: 'This is all your fault!'."
"I'm not too sure what appropriation means but it sounds pretty bad, I guess. It's probably about someone not partitioning something right. As far as institutionalized racism goes, well I'm an institution now, but I'm not quite sure where I stand on the racism part".
"When the conference ended I took my claim ticket and asked for my privilege back, and they told me they didn't have it, although they did offer me a Hispanic repression privilege instead, but I turned it down being I don't speak any Hispanic".
"After leaving the place, I went down to a 7-11 to rob the place, and as soon as I walked into the front door I was immediately slammed into the floor of the establishment, pepper sprayed, punched, kicked and handcuffed by a pair of police officers. They put me in a squad car and arrested me for armed robbery. Although I did have a gun I never displayed it before they attacked me".
"Strange thing is, in the past I've robbed plenty of 7-11's with cops in it and had no problem. Usually the cops hand me a couple of twenty's when I head out the door with the loot".
At press time it was rumored that a black guy donning white privilege held up a Well's Fargo truck in South West DC and was aided in his escape by a couple of DC police officers.