Wall Street summons GOP to financial straightening out meeting over tax bill and general uppityness problems

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Friday, 28 February 2014

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Wall Street alarmed possible new taxes may disturb the pile

Reports today indicate Wall Street is not at all pleased with Representative David Camp's (R-MI) new tax program which threatens to add taxes on to banks and cut corporate tax breaks.

The furor has erupted even though the bill is still in draft stage, and is so unpopular amongst Republicans it may never reach debate on the floor.

One GOP lobbyist has indicated big dollar contributions are now "canceled for the forseeable future" until the Republican Party gets on board properly with corporate directives on these tax issues.

As one of the largest contributors to The National Republican Congressional Committee, the securities and investment industry is particularly upset.

It has sent forth its lobbyist minions from Bank of America, Goldman Sachs, and JP Morgan to explain carefully to Republican Congress personnel just what it would mean to their coffers if they have to abide by this scurrilous plan emerging from Mr. Camp's brain.

Alarmed GOP leaders such as Eric Cantor (R-VA) are moving hastily to work damage control.

A spokesperson for Mr. Cantor parried the difficulties quickly: "Now, now, now. Let's not be jumping all over the Republicans in general for this! Anyway, it's only a draft! And it's probably not even going to be considered!"

A representative of Mr. Roger Williams (R-TX) added: "Hey, it's just a few ideas out there. Now, we've got to be thinking about November 14! I mean let's get real on this."

Additionally it's being reported realtors are annoyed over Camp's proposals, feeling they too will be short-changed if it goes through.

In short, as pointed out by Mr. Patrick Tiberi (R-OH), who is on the Republican Ways and Means Committee, funding may depend on what a representative decides to do on the bill, for or against.

Unconfirmed at this time, and a measure of how serious this crisis is, there are indications Big Banking executives will hold a private meeting soon to emphasize the seriousness of this matter.

The meeting will take place around a lobster l'orange and tort de suisse manque entrée plus champagne and assorted desserts with Republican Leaders at a private location off-limits to the Press.

It is rumored the agenda will include presentations by such personnel as Jamie Dimon and Lloyd Blankfein.

They will stress in no uncertain terms that any such taxing and eliminating of tax breaks legislation will be met with a sour taste--no more dinners and such amenities--in lobbying relations moving forward.

Meanwhile as this news breaks The Public Sector is expressing itself vigorously in assorted comment columns across the internet.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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