Trump Signs Executive Order Making Himself Dictator For Life
In a move that has been widely praised by Republican leaders, Donald "The Antichrist" Trump has signed an executive piece of legislation declaring himself to be a full-blown Adolf Hitler-style dictator. The document authorizes him to print all the...
Read full storyIrish Footballer Lambasted For Being Irish by British Media
A footballer who does not wear a poppy to mark Remembrance Day, is to not wear a poppy to mark Remembrance Day, again. Stoke City player James Mclean, an Irish Republican, has never worn the club shirt of whom he plays for, with the poppy design e...
Read full storyYou Too Can Be a Heterosexual, Bisexual, Homosexual, Pansexual, Quintessexual Lesbian.
Life used to be so simple when I was growing up. Male, female, heterosexual - that was it, as far as I knew. Then I began work in the NHS, where my youthful good looks attracted more than just student nurses, but that's another story, although I did resolutely resist the attentions of lecherous male colleagues with "alternative" lifestyles. These days, who knows what anybody is? So, I have rebr...
Read full storyFood Bank Staff's Job Fears Eased by Chancellor's Budget
Food bank staff's fears for their jobs were eased by Monday's budget when Chancellor Philip Hammond announced no "real terms" increase in public spending apart from on the NHS. Cock-a-hoop food bank manager, Fenella Farquharson-Dogooder, based in...
Read full storyMan City Marlins Win @ Tottenham Titans
Tottenham Hot Spur Titans suffered a defeat at the hands of Man Chester City Marlins at Wembley Stadium last night in a bizarre and low-scoring contest. Running Line Forward, Riyadh Mahrez, got the only score for the Marlins, as the game ended, in...
Read full storyThe Balham Tourist Board Guide for Japanese Visitors
Shopping. Balham is a Mecca for discerning shoppers from as far away as Tooting, and until the 1980s, even boasted its own "private shop", handily situated within two minutes' walk of the local secondary school. Unfortunately, concerned citizens, or "busybodies", as any self-respecting connoisseur of BDSM, unusual practices, and loose morals would call them, successfully campaigned to close it dow...
Read full storyThe Simpsons In A Fix, As Apu Refuses To Leave
Producers of popular TV show, The Simpsons, are wracking their brains over what to do about its future tonight, after a planned axing of the Apu character went slightly askew, when Apu refused to leave. Citing 'contractual obligations', Apu has sa...
Read full storyObscene Word Wins Scrabble World Championship
The Scrabble World Championship being held at the Westfield centre in west London on Sunday, was won after a 5-hour battle, using a word that, frankly, I find difficult to repeat here. Amqold Scdgwipk, 53, from Tipperary in Ireland, sat opposite…
Read full storyMexico To Send 5,200 Troops To US Border
The Mexican government has said in a statement released at lunchtime today, that it is to deploy 5,200 troops to its border with the USA, to counter the 5,200 US troops President Donald Trump says he is sending there as part of Operation Faithful Pat...
Read full storyProlific Use of Quotation Marks Lends Nashville Professor Additional Academic Panache
Following what had until then been a rather lackluster and even “dry” academic career, Jake Hanson, Professor of Urban Studies at Nashville's Tennessee State University, discovered that the prolific use of quotation marks in his published works subst...
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