Kavanaugh Denies Pushing Ginsburg
Washington, DC - Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh denied pushing fellow Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, 85, who suffered three fractured ribs in an apparent fall. Justice Ginsburg does not recall how the injury occurred. Police are investigating.
Read full storyTrump consulting on Dignity at The Press Conference following yesterday’s fiasco
Today President Trump has emerged several times from a private office at the White House to attend a water cooler nearby. He then returns to this office, and sounds through the door indicate energetic discussion plus (possibly) furniture thrown.
Read full storyWhite people celebrate news Sinead O'Connor no longer wants to spend time with them
White people around the world are rejoicing at news Sinead O’Connor has decided she no longer wants “to spend time with white people again...Not for one moment, for any reason.” “Hooray, our long global nightmare is over!” shouted one ecstatic w...
Read full storyWhere are they now? Polari as spoken by Kenneth Williams
"Ooh! Isn't he bold?" as Julian and Sandy would say to "Mr. 'Orne" in the heyday of Polari, or the old British gay slang. Julian and Sandy's use of Polari on the BBC radio comedy "Round the Horne" introduced Polari to a mass audience, identifying them as gay to those in the know. Round the Horne's use of it ultimately led to Polari's near-demise as a means of communication between gay men. I su...
Read full storyWoman Peeled Banana In A Suggestive Manner
A woman travelling on a train in northern England, was witnessed peeling a banana in a suggestive, erotic and provocative manner, claims a man, who might have got it wrong. Heiki Bauer, 19, a German student studying at the University of Hull, was...
Read full storyNASA to serve man with space laser
NASA scientists announce they will build a mega laser to alert alien life forms that they are welcome to visit Earth to "serve Man." A powerful laser is just the thing to announce our presence as a technological species in this arm of the galaxy.
Read full storyTrump Fires Jeff Sessions, But Man Panics Because He Doesn't Know Who Jeff Sessions Is
The news exploding out of Capitol Hill this morning, is that President Donald Trump has fired Jeff Sessions, whilst, somewhat less controversial news coming out of the Battambang area is that one man living there hasn't got a fucking clue who Jeff Se...
Read full storyMovie-Quoting Dumbass Who Stood Precariously On Railing Of Cruise Ship No Longer King of the Wo- Woah! Aaaaaaaaah!
10 miles west of the Florida Keys- A cliché- and movie-quoting dumbass, who thought he was being really original by re-enacting a famous scene from the movie Titanic, ceased to be king of the world on Friday, when he slipped from the railing of the C...
Read full storyBill Cosby To Undergo Anal Check-up
Bill Cosby, the comedian who is serving a '3 to 10-year' prison term for drugging a woman in order to have sex with her, is to seek medical attention, after complaining of "juddering pains" in his back passage. Cosby, 81, incarcerated at the Penn...
Read full storySoros' Latest Caravan: Sending Surplus California Democrats to Red States
Disheartened by narrow senatorial defeats in Florida, Wyoming, Indiana and other Trump Republican states, George Soros has hatched a plan to move surplus Democratic voters out of the darkest blue state of California and into those slightly pinkish st...
Read full storyEntire programming team at MacroHard blow their legs clean off
Hospitals of Washington State - Dr. Lee G. Bender of Washuck Hospital spoke to reporters after all hospitals in Washington were suddenly filled with programmers that had blown off their legs. “MacroHard called for emergency assistance about 11:00...
Read full storyMan Invents Breakthrough Contraption That Assist Old People Who Are Always Forgetting Shit
Omaha, Nebraska - A lifelong resident here, has created a breakthrough invention for aging adults with memory troubles. Philip Myers, 63, claims The Invention will change people's lives. "It happens to all of us old folks," states Myers. "We're si...
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