Woman Peeled Banana In A Suggestive Manner

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 8 November 2018


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Es war nichts

A woman travelling on a train in northern England, was witnessed peeling a banana in a suggestive, erotic and provocative manner, claims a man, who might have got it wrong.

Heiki Bauer, 19, a German student studying at the University of Hull, was a passenger on the 9:41am Transpennine Express service to Manchester Piccadilly, when she suddenly became peckish, and, from her backpack, produced a banana.

Sitting opposite her was Englishman, Moys Kenwood, 55, who was on his way to Leeds to look for books in charity shops. He noticed Fräulein Bauer nipping the end off her banana, and became mesmerised. Said he:

"She slowly peeled back the skin, whilst looking straight at me. At the same time, she did something with her tongue, like rolling it around her mouth, as she might have done, had she been indulging in fellatio. It was grade-A filth, and not the sort of thing you'd expect on a train, thank you very much!"

But things went further downhill. Kenwood:

"She slobbered her lips over the top of the banana, then licked the shaft. By this time, I had a zipbuster, and my bollox were screaming. She moved her lips up and down the length of the fruit several times, whilst keeping her eyes fixed on me from under her fringe. This went on until I felt a sharp twinge in my underpants. Then she grinned, and licked all around the top of it, before biting it, and chewing it with a satisfied look on her face."

Then, she reported him to the guard, telling him that she hadn't been staring at Kenwood at all, but at the safety poster on the panel behind him, warning passengers about sex pests on trains.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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