Local Man Admitted to Hospital after Relatives Call Police to Report Strange Behavior
Washington D.C. - An elderly man was admitted to the psychiatric ward of a local hospital after family members summoned police early Saturday in the 1600th block of Pennsylvania Avenue. Police reported that the man seemed to be suffering from so...
Read full storyDixit? Newly Appointed UN Ambassador Nikki Haley Announces South Carolina Secession from European Union
Following Donald Trump's appointment of South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley as the United States ambassador to the United Nations, Governor Haley sent shock waves through international economies when she announced that South Carolina citizens, by a m...
Read full storyDid you make a New Year's Resolution? Yeah, it's miserable, I know. So break it, shake it, and never look back!
So you've made your New Year's Resolution and you're already as miserable as all hell. The point is, all your New Year's Resolutions were made to rid you of things that are deeply rooted in what The Bible calls "The Seven Deadly Sins". These are the mortal sins that the Judeo-Christian God (sometimes "Judeo" here is spelled "Judo") will send you straight to hell for, if you don't get them under co...
Read full storyMan afraid of dentists turns to exploding e-cigs to remove problematic teeth
Washington, D.C. - Most people don't enjoy seeing dentists, but some have a serious fear of receiving dental care. Local man Juan Diente revealed to us yesterday that he's had dental phobia for as long as he can remember. "I think the last time I wen...
Read full storyNorth Korea's Kim Jong Un Has Become So Huge His Aids Have to Use Heavy Equipment to Move Him
Peoria, Illinois, USA The Caterpillar Co., the world's largest manufacturer of heavy machinery, reports that they have discovered that Kim Jong-Un, the North Korean dictator, has gained so much weight that he can no longer use his legs to move his he...
Read full story"Nyet P and Nyet Party For Trump in Russia" Announces Putin
Moscow, Russia Russian head Vladimir Putin, or "Putey" as Trump refers to him, took to the airwaves to announce that there wasn't any secret party where Trump hired Russian prostitutes to urinate on the bed that Obama had slept in on HIS trip to Russ...
Read full storyNew Poll Reveals Most People Voted for Donald Trump Because They Thought it Would Keep His Reality Show Off the Air
Los Angeles, CA The Berkeley Research Panel released a poll which revealed that most Americans, sick and tired of Trump's reality show, Celebrity Apprentice, voted for Trump simply because they figured it would keep him too busy to run more programs.
Read full storyMr. Dump was a real ratfink!
Mr. Dump was what we called the old coot. His name had meaning because the old guy operated a landfill right up the road from our house and rats ran all over the place. Now don't get me wrong, we didn't live in a ghetto but in a pretty nice part of the countryside. It sort of looked like a pastoral scene out of a poem by one of the cavalier poets or something right off Edward Scissorhands, that we...
Read full storyGeorge Osborne and David Cameron in Kavos before Davos!
George Osborne, ex-chancellor, and David Cameron, ex-prime minister, were on their way to give speeches at Switzerland's annual World Economic Forum when a mysterious mix-up meant their plane ended up landing in Greece with a chauffeur driven ride es...
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