Man afraid of dentists turns to exploding e-cigs to remove problematic teeth

Funny story written by Brandy Pasquino

Thursday, 19 January 2017

image for Man afraid of dentists turns to exploding e-cigs to remove problematic teeth
Pictured here is Juan, minutes before an e-cigarette blew up in his mouth.

Washington, D.C. - Most people don't enjoy seeing dentists, but some have a serious fear of receiving dental care. Local man Juan Diente revealed to us yesterday that he's had dental phobia for as long as he can remember. "I think the last time I went to a dentist's office was about 30 years ago and I was shaking uncontrollably the whole time," he said in a whisper from the intensive care unit of his local hospital through his single, remaining tooth.

Last week, Juan was reportedly experiencing excruciating dental pain and knew that he had to take action. He hadn't seen a dentist in decades and irregularly brushed and flossed his teeth, so all of his teeth had decayed and needed to be extracted. "I knew they had to go, the only question was how," said Juan. He added that, due to his extreme fear of dentistry, he also knew "there was no way in hell" that he would see a dentist and started researching other methods of dental extraction and came across a news article about another local man who lost several teeth from using an e-cigarette that exploded in his mouth: "I learned about exploding e-cigs and knew that I had found the solution to my problem."

Juan purchased the same e-cigarette he read about in the news and after only a few puffs, it exploded and ejected all but one tooth out of his mouth. "Of course, the explosion caused a great deal of pain, skin burns, blood loss, and facial damage, but the act of vaping itself was painless and relaxing," he recounted.

Juan is currently being treated for second-degree burns on his cheeks, but is expected to make a fast and healthy recovery.

At press time, we learned that Juan's remaining tooth is starting to cause an unbearable amount of pain. Unconfirmed reports indicate that he is searching for a new e-cigarette that will produce larger and denser clouds of vapor that might be successful in ejecting his deeply rooted tooth.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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