Peoria, Illinois, USA The Caterpillar Co., the world's largest manufacturer of heavy machinery, reports that they have discovered that Kim Jong-Un, the North Korean dictator, has gained so much weight that he can no longer use his legs to move his hefty frame or his ankles will break.
The Caterpillar Company's men have been kidnapped and forced to build equipment to move Kim. Kim's weight has begun to balloon enough to break his own record as the world's heaviest person by 100 pounds!
Because the massive dictator can't walk or be transported in a wheelchair designed to help people of less Godzilla-like proportions, Kim's aides have been using heavy equipment, including bulldozers and steam shovels, to move the gargantuan dictator from place to place. The Caterpillar Company's men were forced to build many units before escaping their captors.
The men also reported that there is a new famine in North Korea since Kim started eating all the remaining food left in the beleaguered country.
The sale of gas masks to North Koreans have also greatly increased, as Kim Jong-Un has apparently developed an extreme case of killer flatulence, and it has subsequently become the most painful form of execution ever endured in North Korea.