TLDC Launches Sumo Wrestling with Mike Huckabee and Chris Christie
The Learning Disabled Channel (formerly TLC) announced that it is launching "Celebrity Sumo Wrestling" Meyer Schlochstein TLDC Reality Chief said: "Learning never stops over here at TLDC and we are gonna take the fattest Reality Stars from our Net...
Read full storyEaster Bunny resigns
The Easter Bunny has resigned on grounds of "inappropriate stereotyping", fearing his association with the Easter holiday is having a serious impact on the health of rabbits around the world. The rabbit community feel more and more undermined by t...
Read full storyChinese Billionaires to buy up Europe's Public Toilets
Chinese Billionaires have run out of Government Assets and Ghost Estates to buy, now they are buying up Public Toilets, with an option to gain equity on downtown facilities. Paris, London, Rome, Geneva, they all have busy professionals who get sho...
Read full storyGOP proposes seniors, the unemployed and prisoners to generate energy on treadmills
A new energy proposal initiated by Republicans and included in the latest "Ryan" budget, just approved in the House, would require all senior citizens on Medicare, all people on Medicaid or on welfare, or unemployment insurance, or Food Stamps, and...
Read full storyISIS and Obummer agree: Israel's Nuttyyahoo "paranoid"
President Bareass Obummer is "hotter than a steaming pile of sh*t," according to Beltway insiders. "He's absolutely fuming!" What has the presidential bowels in such an uproar? Speaker of the House John Boner had the "audacity" to invite Israel...
Read full storyUteroil from Aborted Fetuses Will Save The Earth - Clean Cheap Energy!
The American Energy Association announced today that a team of physicists from Cal Tech and MIT have discovered how to produce a highly carbon friendly and super powerful replacement for fossil fuels. According to the AEA, US dependence on foreign...
Read full storyPrince George playfully clicks 'send', parents get unexpected invoice
The parents of a well known infant have been invoiced for Birthday Cake Costs they never intended. Baby George Windsor crashed down onto the keyboard of his Dad's Laptop the other day, causing an unintended purchase of a 'Frozen' - Inspired Biscui...
Read full storyKing Salman Court Phishing In The Yemen
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia - Kingmakers in the royal entourage are believed to have acquired sensitive information such as usernames, password and credit card details of the dead sovereign's widows and other hos. King Abdullah's harem of 130 wives and...
Read full storyTheres no business like dough business!
Hollywood is all agog today with the news that Sly Stallone is considering making Expendables 8 in little 'ole Eng-er-land, or to be more precise, West Yorkshireland. Ironically, the unusual location came about due to Sly being offered a heap of b...
Read full storyTwo Irish Kids Discuss Reincarnation
The following is based on an actual conversation between two 10 year-old Irish kids on the problems posed by the difficult theory of reincarnation. Charles' dad is into Buddhism, Phil's parents are Catholics. They both attend the same school....a Catholic school. Phil: Why do we have to die? Charles: So's we can come back. Phil: Back here? What for? Charles: So that we can become gooder...
Read full storyCongress to Outlaw Coitus Interruptis - 'Just Another Sleazy Way to Avoid Pregnancy!
A new Republican bill before Congress criminalizes coitus interruptis --the act of male withdrawal during heterosexual intercourse seconds before orgasm so as to avoid pregnancy. "If we're going to illegalize abortion and birth control," said Rep...
Read full storyMan Mistakes Pot-Tainted Treats for Gummy Bears, Has Good Time
Denver, CO - In a rebellious effort for equal competition and fair pricing, sources found that Jeff Hartley tweeted," Theaters need to stop extorting customers for food if they are going to charge $10.50 for someone to see a crappy movie." It i...
Read full storyObama Wraps Up State of the Union Speech on Skype
WASHINGTON, DC - President Obama wrapped up his State of the Union speech by Skyping with porn-star, Buster Hymen. The interview included queries about his favorite movie, what he wanted to be growing up, and what superpower he would like to possess.
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - All Prisoners In H.M.P Isle of Wight To Be Released Into Community
A pill which cures prisoners of the urge to commit crimes is to be given to all inmates of H.M.P Isle of Wight. The pill's effects, which although it has to be administered daily, mean that all prisoners will remain completely law abiding as long as...
Read full storyFor Traumworks' "Krazy Kat" Katzenberg, life is but a dream
HURRAY FOR HOLLYWOOD! -- For some 500 former employees, Traumworks is no longer a dream workplace. In fact, for the terminated workers, it's not even a dream job anymore. The animation studio was once the darling of Tinsel Town, but, due to a stri...
Read full storySenator Inhofe - Energy Committee Chair - Claims Fossil Fuels and CO2 "Great For Libido"
Jim Inhofe, chair of the environment and energy committee, has released findings from his own research that fossil fuels and CO2 are a natural elixir for the human spirit. Jim explained: "When I do barbecue at my ranch in Oklahoma and I eat that...
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