Written by Auntie Matter

Saturday, 24 January 2015

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The Ultimate Goal of Reincarnation

The following is based on an actual conversation between two 10 year-old Irish kids on the problems posed by the difficult theory of reincarnation.

Charles' dad is into Buddhism, Phil's parents are Catholics. They both attend the same school....a Catholic school.

Phil: Why do we have to die?
Charles: So's we can come back.
Phil: Back here? What for?
Charles: So that we can become gooder and gooder and then become perfect. That's what me da says and he hasn't got any hair.
Phil: Our teachers says we are already perfect... so, I don't understand. I mean, if we are already perfect what's the point in coming back?
Charles: I suppose ... I mean, you have to find out.
Phil: Find out what? I don't see the point. What happens if you don't get gooder and gooder ...but badder and badder and badder?
Charles: You get your ass whipped and you don't get into heaven.
Phil: And what happens then?
Charles: They send you back again... as a frog.... or a Daddy Longlegs... or an octopus.
Phil: We came back as people, didn't we?
Charles: We were the lucky ones. If you come back as a people you could end up anywhere... maybe somewhere friggin' terrible... like Belfast... or friggin' Egypt.
Phil: What's wrong with Egypt?
Charles: Me da says there is nothing there but camel shit and terrorists.
Phil: How do they decide where you have to go?
Charles: You have to pick a card. If you get a low number you come back as something really, really yucky. If you pick a high number you come back as a film star.
Phil: And if you get an ace?
Charles: You come back as a footballer like Wayne Rooney.
Phil: And if you get into heaven, what then?
Charles: That's it. They let you be Santa Clause.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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