HURRAY FOR HOLLYWOOD! -- For some 500 former employees, Traumworks is no longer a dream workplace. In fact, for the terminated workers, it's not even a dream job anymore.
The animation studio was once the darling of Tinsel Town, but, due to a string of bombs, it has entered a downward spiral that has led to the firing of workers and the production of two, rather than three, animated stinkers per year.
Under the dubious leadership of CEO Jeffrey "Krazy Kat" Katzenberg, Traumworks pinned all its hopes to its latest three duds, Mr. Peabody & Sherman, Turbo, and Penguins of Madagascar, none of which "thrilled their audiences" or, for that matter, had audiences.
"No one really cares about a bedwetting dog and his adopted son," film critic Ben C. Ng-Ewe whined, "although the implicit bestiality might arouse the interest of a few perverted parents, perhaps."
Likewise, Cyn A. Meh, an indy animated movie producer complained, "Who in or out of his or her right mind cares whether a snail wins the Indy 500? Turbo isn't supercharged; it moves at a-well--a snail's pace."
Neither Ng-Ewe, Meh, nor "anyone else in on the planet, Madagascans included," like Traumworks' other recent release, either. "Penguins save the world?" Ng-ewe asked. "Puh-lease!" Meh declared.
Katzenberg, who nearly ruined Dizney Studios during his tenure there as CEO, has "high hopes," he said, "for Traumworks. "We may be making only two pictures a year now, but they're going to be better than ever. To make sure they are as spectacular as anything we've ever made before, I have hired M. Night Charlatan; he will not only write the screenplays, but he will also direct the films! We can't lose."
The remaining Traumworks employees are floating their resumes and checking Internet megasearch engines, confident that their future success lies elsewhere, independent of "Krazy Kat" and his "delusions."