The American Energy Association announced today that a team of physicists from Cal Tech and MIT have discovered how to produce a highly carbon friendly and super powerful replacement for fossil fuels.
According to the AEA, US dependence on foreign oil will be eliminated and the new energy source provides the answer to the "greenhouse problem". The new technology should firmly place the US as the absolute dominant power in the international energy market.
The team has been carrying out their experimentation and research over a twenty year period, experimenting with discarded fetus' and placental afterbirth matter from over thirty million abortions in the USA. They now have, what they say is, conclusive scientific evidence that the cellular energy from this powerful fetal matter will be sufficient to replace the entire fossil fuel based energy grid and the programme will provide enough "Uteroil" to maintain a pump price of under two dollars a gallon for the foreseeable future.
President Obama said following the announcement: "The Arabs and Russia and Africans better figure out some new way to pay for screwing their people and paying for weapons - heh heh."
When asked about the moral implications of using aborted fetuses for energy, he replied: "Heck, abortions are legal, and if we really care about the rights of the unborn, we oughta give em a green earth to grow up in."
"But," said the President, "I don't wanna see folks creatin' a new market by creatin' and sellin' dead babies for "Uteroil" - Uh Uh! - But them terrorists could probably make a little extra cash and cut way down on their production of future suicide bombers by sending us lots of fetuses to turn into clean energy."
As Osama Bin Laden said twenty years ago: "Don't be greedy my brothers - the stone age didn't end because they ran out of stones."
Too late!
