President Bareass Obummer is "hotter than a steaming pile of sh*t," according to Beltway insiders. "He's absolutely fuming!"
What has the presidential bowels in such an uproar?
Speaker of the House John Boner had the "audacity" to invite Israel's President Bibi Nuttyyahoo to speak before Congress without first okaying the invitation with Obummer!
"I am the Lord God of the Universe," Obummer reportedly told aides, "and nobody--not Nuttyyahoo, not Mohammad, not God Himself--speaks to the House, the Senate, the American people, or the world without my permission, in advance. I won't stand for such insubordination; there will be a price to pay."
Boner describes Obummer's rant as "the ravings of a narcissistic nut job." As the Speaker of the House, Boner added, "I have the authority, on my own, to invite anyone I want to speak to Congress, without having to bow and scrape to Obummer or anyone else."
Calmer heads are using more moderate-sounding language to describe Obummer's displeasure. "It's a breach of protocol," said a senior American official who asked to remain anonymous, lest he displease Obummer by speaking without the president's advance permission and thereby himself also incur "a price to be paid."
Obummer sniffed, "I am not going to meet with that despicable Jew!"
The White House has refused to extend Nuttyyahoo an invitation to discuss Israel's possible annihilation by militant Islamic extremists such as Syria, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Jordan, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, United Arab Emirates, Oman, and others, some of whose leaders have explicitly called for Israelis' "extermination."
"We are surrounded by enemies bent on our destruction," Nuttyyahoo whined, "and all Obummer wants to do is to talk, as if words were weapons and empty promises were policies. That's why I accepted Speaker Boner's invitation. The United States and the world must know the reality of the threat that both we, Israel, and the world itself face. Then, maybe Obummer can be convinced to get off his bum and act, before it is too late."
Obummer characterized Nuttyyahoo's "concerns" as "paranoid delusions" from a "chickenshit nobody."
ISIS agrees with Obummer. "Nuttyyahoo is paranoid," The Headless Horseman, a spokesman for the terrorist organization said, "but that doesn't necessarily mean he's wrong."