Vatican Council to Decide if God Has a Penis and Testacles
The Vatican well known for it's lofty metaphysical discussions about the meaning of life like whether children will go to hell for masturbating and if women's orgasm are sinful and important philosophical quandaries like that - has now turned to deep...
Read full storyGet Your Slippery Tongue Out Of Mrs Carter's Ear, Mr Vice President
Washington AC/DC - Vice President Joe 'The Anteater' Biden was unwittingly the star performer at the swearing in of Obama's latest Sitting-On-Da-Fence Secretary of Snakes today. Ashton Carter looked oblivious during his podium acceptance speech s...
Read full storyBrian Williams And The Nightcrawler
While the character in The Nightcrawler, portrayed by Jake Gyllenhaal, sets out to create his own news, NBC's Brian Williams, though confessing to a history of embellishing his off-camera activities, has no similarity to the Gyllenhaal fellow. Bro...
Read full storyLocal Man Had Great Story Idea Then Forgot What It Was
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock informed us this morning that he had a great idea for a story last night, then promptly forgot what it was and spent the remainder of yesterday evening repeatedly punching himself in the face until bed time. "I was wa...
Read full storyLawyers sue Brian Williams for 'lying without a license'
New York -- Suspended NBC news anchor Brian Williams is in trouble with the American Bar Association. The lawyers group has filed suit in Federal District Court here, charging that Williams is "cutting into our territory by lying, fibbing, and genera...
Read full storyGod Speaks to Earth from Heaven
Last night, the whole of Europe was brought to a standstill when, exactly at midnight, a white-haired, bearded figure appeared on every television set on the continent. Crowds poured out of pubs and restaurants, many of them hysterical; public transport came to a halt as millions gathered in city squares and churches. The Pope appealed for calm; but nobody was listening to him. The followi...
Read full storyWhole Family Dreading Family Time
What seemed like a good idea at the time, a South Florida man is now dreading the family time he insisted upon, an event he hoped would unite his warring daughters, son and wife. Duncan Whitehead - overweight, suffering from gout and bad teeth; ca...
Read full storyTDLC Announces "Dancing With Disabilities"
The Disabled Learning Channel is launching yet another wonderful learning inspired program. In the pilot, dancers with fake feet who could tap dance and a hunchback who weighed over 300 pounds did one hell of a Polka with a blind midget. Myron...
Read full storyGreek banks go begging in streets of Athens!
Distraught Greek bank personnel and managers were spotted carrying begging bowls along the streets of Athens and other major cities in the country! After refusing to accept the EU's reforms and repayment conditions Greek multi-millionaires and nor...
Read full storyItalians racist? Never, ask Signori Sacchi!
Prominent, ex-international soccer coach, Arrigo Sacchi claims there are too many black players in Italian soccer and this fact is undermining the true identity of Italy who generally are a bunch of racist morons, but do not like admitting it. They p...
Read full storyRupert Murdoch to Marry Sarah Palin
(London) - Numerous sources have now independently confirmed that Rupert Murdoch will marry Sarah Palin this September in the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg. While Mr. Murdoch's divorce from Wendi Deng in 2013 was front-page news worldwide, few were aw...
Read full storyPolice seek clues in Cosby sitcoms
Now that Bill Cosby has been accused of sexually assaulting myriads of women, authorities are reviewing the episodes of his TV sitcoms, named after himself, to see whether any episodes contain clues concerning the alleged assaults. Cosby starred i...
Read full storyBaseball Bat Sized Vibrators Now Preferred By Most Pinch-Mouth Prudes
BILLINGSGATE POST: With all of the mystique regarding forbidden sexual pleasure that has been generated by the movie, "50 Shades of Gray," it was only a matter of time until the ultimate WMD (Weapon of Male Dysfunction) was unveiled. Based on th...
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