Brian Williams And The Nightcrawler

Funny story written by K.C. Bell

Tuesday, 17 February 2015

image for Brian Williams And The Nightcrawler
"I believe him."

While the character in The Nightcrawler, portrayed by Jake Gyllenhaal, sets out to create his own news, NBC's Brian Williams, though confessing to a history of embellishing his off-camera activities, has no similarity to the Gyllenhaal fellow.

Broadcasting aside, Williams' raconteur of 6 o'clock news could be described as an imitation game. But who was Mr. Williams attempting to imitate: James Bond, or was he just trying to enhance his boyhood?

Mr. Williams appeared to have the theory of everything down pat while reading the news but forgot that there's video copy of his guest appearances on talk shows.

One analyst described the situation as being totally possible, suggesting (with a straight face) that it was very easy to conflate reality with creativity. Happens all the time. Conflate became the acceptable word solution.

Editor's note: Look, it's the news. It isn't Still Alice.

Paid $10 million a year to read the nightly news, Williams managed that job with whiplash accuracy, but when visiting talk shows, he became a foxcatcher, hunting for heroic enrichment to add to his storyline: floating bodies (in six inches of water) during hurricane Katrina or was it, Sandy? In a helicopter fired at by rocket-propelled grenades in Afghanistan or in Iraq? Flying with Seal Team Six and sharing a box of Nabisco Wheat Thins with a Seal who had hands "like hams" and them ham-hands managed to empty Williams' box of Nabisco Wheat Thins with just one ham-hand grab; the piece of fuselage from the downed Osama bin Laden helicopter that was mysteriously sent to him by a member of Seal Team Six described as "one of my buddies" and there's the throat cutter memento he keeps on his deskā€¦

Ayeeee!

Where is Liam Neeson when he's needed? Just one telephone call could have saved Brian Williams' career.

NBC is in the process of reviewing Mr. Williams' guest appearances and rumor has it he won't return to his $10 million a year job.

There's always story-time on Nickelodeon.

Good news. William's has the Last Word At 11:00.

Williams is too good to be gone guy forever.

Read more by this author:

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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