Chelsea Clinton's waters likely to burst on Labor Day
New York - Amniotic Sac News reports that little babe Mezvinsky will be making its planetary debut next Monday care of a nifty c-section at New York's Seedy Sinai Mammorial. The hospital's entire presidential wing has been booked from this weekend...
Read full storyObummer "bummed" on ISIS, but gung-ho on golf
WHITEWASHINGTON, AC/DC -- President Barack Obummer admits he's "bummed on ISIS." "When I tucked my executive tail between my presidential legs and high-tailed it out of Iraq, leaving that nation to the mercy of the merciless terrorists American me...
Read full storyAcademics Confirm Scottish Shortbread Reserves Higher Than Westminster Predicts
A projection by industry body Biscuits UK that 24bn boxes of shortbread can be extracted from the North Sea is "plausible", two academics have said. The projection has been used by the Scottish government as part of its campaign for independence.Last...
Read full storyFerguson Mayor Discusses Pending Swimsuit
Ferguson mayor James Knowles has finally begun discussing with journalists several pending swimsuits he intends to purchase, putting an end to media speculation about his intentions. "There's 22,000 residents in our community," Knowles told report...
Read full storyHello Kitty abductor jailed
A Tokyo man was jailed today for abducting the children's character Hello Kitty from a playground in Tokyo in May. The man Masahno Takakity had attempted to argue that his actions were justified as he was a scientist investigating the work of Erw...
Read full storyLadies Formula One Grand Prix To Be Held in Gibraltar
Bernice Eccles, the diminutive Ladies Formula One boss is adamant that the race will go ahead in Gibraltar on December 1st. Bernice, fresh from victory in a French court case has fought for seven years to hold the race around the cordoned off "Round...
Read full storyThe Signs Are Quite Clear
Decadence refers to deteriorated standards, morals, loss of dignity, indulgence in power, pleasure or luxury, sex, crime, lawlessness, loss of economic discipline due to the corruption of state officials', repulsive corrupt bureaucracy etc. Undoubtedly, in such a society we witness cultural decay: decline of education, the weakening of cultural foundations, loss of respect for tradition including...
Read full storyNo Walking Stick After Six
The following story is based on real events, some of the names have been changed and changed back in order to confuse you of their identity. No elderly people were harmed in the telling of this story. Frail. Feeble. A stark contrast from their buoyant youth. Their bodies since rejected them. The inspector again signing off on their case. This wasn't living. It was simply existing. Betty had bat...
Read full storyLatest fad in body modification: customized nipples
Some folks think nipples are intrinsically sexy. Others think they're just plain gross. Whether one finds nipples appealing or appalling, she (or, for that matter, he) can now do something about it, thanks to Nipped in the Bud. "We customize your...
Read full storyRiot Ensues After 16 Solicitors Witness Train Wreck
London, ENG. It was a feeding frenzy in London at the scene of an actual train wreck which happened in the vicinity of a popular solicitor watering hole. All of the solicitors swarmed upon the injured passengers, in some cases preventing first res...
Read full storyHuge Investment As Welsh Water Supplied To London Is To Contain Ice And Lemon
Investors are clamouring to buy shares in Welsh Mixers P.L.C as news broke yesterday that gigantic Welsh reservoirs containing ice and lemon are to be commissioned in Snowdonia. An open "aquaduct" system will be built to supply London's Hoorah H...
Read full storyBreaking Bad Emmy Awards Lead To Blue Bath Salts Sales Explosion
Breaking Bad's recent Emmy award successes have led to people placing dishes of blue bath salts around the house to fool people into thinking they have millions of dollars worth of a certain substance about the house, a gossip columnist told our own...
Read full storyTen Differences Between Australian Life And British Life
New to Australia? Here's our survival guide for your "New life in the sun" : 1) Don't rush into the nearest bit of sea, a shark will kill you. 2) Don't valiantly remove a spider from your pretty neighbour's bath, it will sink its deadly fangs into you and you will have 20 minutes to get an antidote or or it will kill you. 3) Don't leave your baby in her pram while you sunbathe, Dingos (pois...
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