WHITEWASHINGTON, AC/DC -- President Barack Obummer admits he's "bummed on ISIS."
"When I tucked my executive tail between my presidential legs and high-tailed it out of Iraq, leaving that nation to the mercy of the merciless terrorists American men and women died to defeat, I never had any idea that my withdrawal of U. S. forces would create a vacuum that allowed culprits like ISIS to overrun the place and start amputating and decapitating people," Obummer maintains. "I thought that, since my middle name is Hussein, they'd have shown me a little respect."
According to insiders, the president is also "bummed" because he "has no plan" as to how to deal with the crises in Iraq and elsewhere in the Middle East and is uncertain whom he should blame.
"Sometimes he thinks he should blame Israel's Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu; other times, he considers faulting Hamas leader Khaled Mashaal or ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi," First Lady Michelle Obummer, who wishes to remain anonymous, revealed. "He's even thought to point his finger at Allah," she added.
Anyone, critics contend, is a worthy scapegoat for Obummer's failure except the president himself.
Obummer is said to be "detached" from and "indifferent" to foreign affairs.
"He'd much rather play golf," Tyger Wood whined, "than take on the likes of ISIS, al-Qaeda, Hamas, or the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation."
"He's more interested in what Portia and I do in the bedroom," Ellen Degenerate charged, "than he is in protecting American lives."
Obummer says he has no interest in women, lesbians or otherwise, but admits that he wants to "sink a hole in one," if whoever "the one" is happens to be "the right man for the job."
Obummer expects the wars in the Middle East to rage for another few millenniums, but he'd like "to score" before then, so, once again, for him, it's off to the greens.
