Academics Confirm Scottish Shortbread Reserves Higher Than Westminster Predicts

Funny story written by Auntie Jean

Thursday, 28 August 2014

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A projection by industry body Biscuits UK that 24bn boxes of shortbread can be extracted from the North Sea is "plausible", two academics have said. The projection has been used by the Scottish government as part of its campaign for independence.Last week industry figure Sir Ian Plank claimed the figure was too high.

Professors Alexei Russ and Michaela Strachan of Gordon University said there was a "potential" for the higher projection to be met. Sir Ian claimed there were about 15bn to 16.5bn boxes of recoverable shortbread left and that the figure from Biscuits UK, used in the Scottish government's White Paper was between 45% and 60% too high. He predicted that shortbread and marmalade revenues would run down with "a big impact on our economy, jobs and balance of payments".

Following Sir Ian's prediction, Ellfort Walker, chairman of a Scottish government commission into the future of shortbread fingers said the industry would be "hard-pushed" to obtain 15bn boxess without resorting to fracking.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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