85 Year Old Joan Rivers To Be Melted And Used By Prison Inmates
85-year-old comedienne Joan Rivers has apologized for making a pretty funny joke on the "Today" show Tuesday in which she compared living arrangements with her daughter to the ordeal of three women held captive for a decade by Ariel Castro. The jo...
Read full storyOklahoma Supreme Court Extends Humane Slaughter Act to Human Death Row Inmates
In a groundbreaking and highly controversial decision, the Oklahoma Supreme Court ruled to expand the applicability of the Humane Slaughter Act, designed to decrease the suffering of livestock during slaughter, to also encompass the human slaughter o...
Read full storyMoyes admits he shouldn't have taken Manchester United manager job in the first place
The ousted manager of Manchester United, Chris Moyles, has openly admitted on a couch on some breakfast television programme that no one really watches, that he perhaps shouldn't have taken the manager's job at the Manchester united Football club in...
Read full storyWoman finds programme to watch on television
In a shock announcement by BARB, the UK Broadcasters' Audience Research Board, a viewer has allegedly found a programme worth watching on British television. Mona Lott, who lives in Penge, phoned into the organisation early yesterday prior to bein...
Read full storyCameron: "Hey OAPS! I love Countdown too!"
David Cameron is to publicly state how much he enjoys Countdown, his slippers and a good ol' cuppa tea, to try and garner more votes from people who probably won't be around for the next general election. Cameron is on his second week of shameless...
Read full storyConfused.cum? Brian The Robot Accused of Sexual Harassment
Brian, the star of Confused.com adverts, is embroiled in the first ever robot-human sexual harassment case. Brian has been accused of harassing Carla (not her real name), an extra starring in the latest TV advert. Carla has stated that Brian attem...
Read full storyBath - Debt Capital of the UK
As a group that likes to bring you the most important of issues affecting the UK on a day to day basis, (or whenever we leave the bar long enough to find a lap top and write a story) we're always on the lookout for new cautionary tales. Debt is something that affects us all from student loans (that we have no intention of paying back) to loan shark cash that will eventually result in us losing...
Read full storyNBA Player Retires After Half Time Defeat To Teenager
A Memphis Grizzles basketball player retired mid-game after a half time loss to a local 12 year old at a game of HORSE. In a half time game for charity, Marc Gasol faced off against Jermaine, a 12-year-old African American. Pre game, both players...
Read full storyMoyes tells van Gaal he's Double Dutch!
Ex-Man Utd manager has been in touch with the favourite to take his place, Nederland coach, Louis van Gaal, and told him, and I quote; "You must be f++kíng mad laddie!" King Louis replied in his best kings Dutch, "Gottverdomme klootzak!"...
Read full storyStranger Than Truth: Dinerton, NM - A Trip Into Time
In this edition Stranger Than Truth, we go to Dinerton, New Mexico, where there is a reality that many never get to experience, from a time now since long gone... a place that lives in a different era and views the world around it with extreme disdain. Nathan Betman, Mayor of Dinerton, introduced us to it this way, "Civilization has gone to hell in nearly every aspect. People have now become mo...
Read full storyShakespeare Celebrates His 450th Birthday in Retirement in Greece
April 24, 2014 -- Our roving reporter of The Globe Times was fortunate to catch up with the world's most famous playwright William Shakespeare, familiarly known as the "Bard of Avon" from the river that graces his birthplace, Stratford-on-Avon, Warwi...
Read full storyThe One Show's Alex Jones to become a Cornish citizen
Since it was announced that Cornish people, and Cornwall itself will be granted minority status under European rules, flocks of British celebrities have announced that they'll be taking the opportunity to 'emigrate' to Cornwall. Richard and Judy, who...
Read full storyArea Man Injured By Frying Pan When He Didn't Duck Quickly Enough
Local resident Dan Mead, 43, was injured Saturday evening when he was struck in the forehead by a cast iron frying pan that had been thrown by his girlfriend. Mr. Mead drove himself to an emergency room and required 11 stitches for the injury. His...
Read full storySour ass Putin slams 'CIA internet' after getting the boot from satirical site
Moscow, Russia - Still smarting after his IP address was blacklisted by satirical website NewsCorpse.Ru the Russian leader has vowed revenge on what he says is the CIA's biggest ever project since Edgar Hoover 'built that bloody dam'. According t...
Read full storyRussian Navy Steal Isle of Man
The Government is holding emergency talks with Russia after the Russian navy stole the Isle of Man and moved it to within just 1 mile of the Russian coast in an attempt to catapult the UK into the Ukraine/Russian war. The daring raid took place l...
Read full storyUnited Airlines to Use Cloud Seeding, Psychics to Control and Predict the Weather-And Make Money
CHICAGO-United Airlines, upon announcing a historic first quarter loss of over $600 million dollars due in part to stormy weather, will embark upon a weather modification program in conjunction with the scientific community, Native American tribal da...
Read full storyAmish Riot - Midnight Screening of 1985 Thriller Sparks Unrest
A midnight screening of the 1985 American thriller film directed by Peter Weir and starring Harrison Ford and Kelly McGillis; Witness, has ignited scenes of violence and rioting throughout the Amish community across the United States. The movie, w...
Read full storyRocket Ronnie To Play Blindfolded
As the Snooker World Championships rumble on, and BBC2 views continue to nose-dive, Head of Snooker, Barry Hearn has come up with a plan. According to sources close to Hearn, he's approached snooker god, and cockney charmer Ronnie O'Sullivan to play...
Read full storyDavid Moyes Wasn't the 'Son of God'
Although crucified by both press and players, it was revealed this morning that Moyes wasn't 'the chosen one'. Alex Ferguson had described the job of leading the 'Red Devils' as being as difficult as 'Moses parting the waves, or Noah building his...
Read full storyClose-Minded Man Not Even Willing To Hear Out Argument On Why Cardio Steals Your Gains
VENICE BEACH, CA-Gym bros of local resident Justin Fox are becoming tired of his refusal to see other viewpoints. They claim he is totally unwilling to hear out any reasons why doing cardio as a part of his regular work out routine is stealing all of...
Read full storyCorrupt Cops Copping Their Karma
Reading comments after Yahoo articles are, at best, a good way to while away time in need of being wasted or in bringing your blood pressure to near hospitalization levels. Usually it is just full of mudslinging and name calling from one side of the the fence to the other with the other side retaliating shortly thereafter. On occasion, rare occasion that is, it does serve up a few comments and sto...
Read full story