Amish Riot - Midnight Screening of 1985 Thriller Sparks Unrest

Funny story written by D P Whitehead

Thursday, 24 April 2014

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A midnight screening of the 1985 American thriller film directed by Peter Weir and starring Harrison Ford and Kelly McGillis; Witness, has ignited scenes of violence and rioting throughout the Amish community across the United States.

The movie, which focuses on a detective protecting a young Amish boy who becomes the target of a ruthless killer after he witnesses a murder in Philadelphia, is claimed to "belittle" and "insult" the Amish community, according to Amish spokesman Jerome Balls, who also attacked the "stereotypes" of the characters portrayed in the movie.

The film, which was nominated for eight Academy Awards and won two, for Best Original Screenplay and Best Film Editing, was screened at a theater in Baltimore.

Balls has called for Amish people "to rise up" and to "fight back".

Clouds of smoke from burning potpourri wafted over the hulks of carriages and buggies, which had been parked defiantly but legally in allotted spaces across farms and once tranquil communities Thursday as hundreds of demonstrators shook their heads and muttered their annoyance and their displeasure.

One man even threatening to shave his wife's legs if another screening occurred.

The demonstrators threw nasty glances at police and chanted, "This is darn unacceptable."

At least one horse defecated in a public place, according to media reports, after he became agitated due to the thronging crowds however, according to police, this manure was quickly cleared from the highway by the offending horse's conscientious owner.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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